Seeing December on the calendar makes me sad....

Today was a sad one..seeing December on the calendar just reminds me that I was due THIS month. I try not to let it get me down but how could it not? I try so hard to live in the present and not think what could have been. That barely ever works...but I keep practicing. I think about how "pregnant" I would have been now...probably pretty uncomfortable by now but loving every minute of him kicking me. I surprise myself that looking at other people's newborns doesn't make me cry or make me sad...it actually just makes me mad. Not mad that they have happiness or a beautiful healthy baby but mad that I don't...and not just ANY baby but him.